A few weeks ago I sat down to finish Grady’s birth blog post, before he turns one, and I realized my draft of it was gone. I cried. I don’t often get to write anymore, so when I do, it’s sacred and I usually pour myself into it. So now here I sit, the eve of his 1st birthday giving it a go again.
Today was a mix of emotions. I have a friend waiting for her own baby to join the world at any moment now, and talking to her about it brought back this time last year so vividly in my mind. Leading up to really being in labor, I had had two false labor episodes. One was brought on by food poisoning and the other a little bit of dehydration. So I was skeptical as to when the real deal was going to happen after that.
A year ago tonight, as I write this, at 6:30PM Grady broke my water. Yes, you read that right. The little bugger was done being on the inside, and mid contraction, he kicked my belly so hard he broke my water. This time I knew it wasn’t false labor, this was the real deal and things were getting started.
Now if you read the caption of this post, you will know that I had a home birth, so there was no rush to the hospital. No rushing about to make sure I packed everything. I simply grabbed a few items I wanted on hand and walked down to our newly refinished basement and started walking about. Aaron and I didn’t do this alone though, we had the sweetest doula, Martha, who joined us shortly after my water broke.
Martha was a godsend to have. After going through Caroline’s brith without any coaching in labor, I won’t do it again without a doula. Well, maybe after kiddo number 5. 😉 Martha was a calming presence, a coach throught things as contractions heated up, and she knew when to call the midwife. She also kept conversation flowing when I needed a distraction and was quiet was I needed to focus.
It’s crazy how much this all feels like it was just yesterday. When my contractions started coming a little harder and faster, I remember Martha asking me if I had felt his head yet. I’m sure you can guess how that check happens, but I quickly said I had not and was a little grossed out by that thought. However, curiosity got the best of me and Grady was only two knuckles away from joining the outside world.
A few minutes after I “checked” his status, thing got wildly intense. Rather than stay calm, I panicked. It would have been fine if only I hadn’t panicked, so much so that Grady wiggled but up inside I little to much. The wait for my midwife to arrive was the longest wait of my life. I had been cool as a cucumber and was breathing through it all until things really heated up and I panicked. Looking back, I lost my focus. I was so worried about Jennifer arriving that I forgot I didn’t need her. I just needed to listen to my body. Oh well, there is always next time. (Not announcing anything here folks!)
The next hour or so became a bit of a blur and a few details I will leave out for censorship reasons. 😉 The most important thought was just before I started pushing. A few months before I was due, I was on the phone with a Converse shoe returns rep who just so happened to be a doula in training. I remember her telling me that right before you start to push, there is a a time where you feel like you want to give up and THAT is when it all starts to happen. I though it was an odd thing to say at the time, but I now know what she meant.
I was on the floor of the family room, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t get comfortable. I tried everything and finally collapsed face down on the floor saying I gave up. I was tired and spent and if I had been a pioneer I would be a dead one. A few seconds later, or so I thought it was, I picked myself up off the floor with a determination and strength that seamed to have come out of nowhere. I walked to Grady’s bassinet and I gripped that thing like my life depended on it and I let my body do it’s thing.
Jennifer, my midwife, told me that if I didn’t get in the birthing pool then and there, I was not birthing in the pool at all. There was a little back and forth between us and I finally agreed that I wanted to do this in the pool. Somehow that bassinet was a little lifeline that I felt I needed at the time, but gosh was that warm pool nice.
If I can write from under the tears that are falling right now, I’ll tell you all the rest…
Birth is WOW! Our body’s are AMAZING!!! Hugging the edge of the birthing pool for dear life, I pushed Grady’s head out then realized his shoulders needed to come out as well. Biology wasn’t my best subject, ok?!?! I remember pushing his shoulders out and suddenly from the back of my head I hear Jennifer telling me to catch my baby. Grady was rising up through the water in-front of me to be scooped up. It was the most surreal experience. This little baby that was only inside me a moment before and here he was out and rising through the water.
Watching his little head come to the surface and him snuggle into me as I placed him on my chest was beautiful! The fact that he was formed, grew and developed inside me, yet here he was in my arms was empowering. To nurture him, not only in womb, but out of womb is empowering. True feminism in it’s most pure form. I don’t think I will ever forget these moments right after.
A 8lb 2oz baby boy had joined out home at 12:56AM on May the 15th. There was no rushing about, no 259 checks in the middle of the night. No pushing me to do things I didn’t want to do. It was calm. It was peaceful. It was home. I moved from the pool to the bed and enjoyed nursing Grady was Aaron, Jennifer, Martha, and Tarah (Jennifer’s wonderful assistant) got things put right in the birthing area. After, Grady got his birth check-up and more snuggles before we all tucked in for the night.
Before Caroline’s birth I thought for sure I would have loved to do a home birth. Then once her birth went so sideways at the hospital I didn’t think I could do a home birth. Knowing what I know now, even before Grady’s birth, I realized so much of Caroline’s birth “struggles” could have been avoided with proper coaching and care. A women’s body is designed to birth babies. It knows what to do. Being in tune with it it key. Have a good coach is crucial. Trusting your body is a must.
Meet our super cool midwife Jennifer over on her Pittsburgh Midwife website HERE.
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